Page 230

but it had been really funny to see me throw up with such dignity in the face of the illustrious descendant of Dogi.

Maybe they were having fun, but not me. For the rest of the evening I had avoided being near Dogi's descendant, facilitated by the fact that he too was trying to avoid me; until I had decided to apologize to Avogara, I didn't feel too well, I was going home. No, I didn't want him to accompany me, it wasn't really worth the effort, I was there in ten minutes by ferry, I told him.

After being placed in front of the Salute I had skirted the Grand Canal and while I was on the gondola that took me from the Punta to the other side I had decided that it would be a risk to return home so soon; in all likelihood Mom would still be awake and when she asked me how the evening had gone I could perhaps have answered: "Magnificently: to the international fame of a whore tonight I have added that of a vomiting drunkard?" Oh no, it was better to let a few hours pass.

And so I sat on the stepped marble base, overtook the column that supported the winged Lion of San Marco and looking at the lagoon I thought that soon I would see her with Juan and then we would go in a gondola and kiss as we had kissed in Cuba, tenderly, passionately.

"...I wish all the boys (four) who wish to marry you the best of luck. But I love you more than any of them ever could. A bride as you wish, but remember that my love is like a compass needle always pointing north. You are the north to me and this is the only fixed star."

And now the fifth boy had arrived and had hit the mark right away. He would have become my husband and, who knows, maybe he would have loved me less than Papa but I certainly would have loved him very much and always. 

"...evening..."