Page 304

"That's not true! It can't be true!" 

"That's right, Adriana: 'They announced on the radio." 

"Dead. Both dead. And so?" 

"Oh paronsina..." and Gigia was about to hug me but I turned suddenly, I slammed the door behind me, I threw myself on the bed and burst into sobs.

A hand caressed my hair: "Cry, Adriana. It's good to cry." 

"Mom, I'll never see them again... I loved them, you know how much I loved them..." 

"I know, Adriana."

"Dead. I can't see them anymore. But why did they separate us, why did we have to hide our friendship as if it were something bad? Only now that they are dead can I tell everyone that I loved them so much..." I raised my head, looked at my mother and: "Only now... because they are dead!" I screamed in anger. 

"Try to calm down, dear..."

"And why should I calm down?" I sat on the bed, wiping my tears with my hand. "I was the stupid one. Stupid and cowardly and influential. I allowed gossip to ruin everything!" I looked my mother in the eye: "But now I am free, because they are dead. I am free, and you know what I will do? I will publish his letters, so everyone will understand. They will also understand how they made him suffer, how they humiliated him. I'll throw the truth in everyone's face!" I threw myself back on the bed, I started crying again.

"Do you want to be alone?" 

"Yes, I want to be alone." 

...Make it not true, Lord. Make it not true. I have accepted everything so far, hunger and fear, San Michele destroyed, the death of papa, but - I prefer you - over even this. I have to see them again, if only for a moment, to be able to tell them how much I love them. You can. Your goodness. You can...

...I see a little girl crying: "Jesus, my Jesus,...